Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
