"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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