A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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