I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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