who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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