He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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