I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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