i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
