now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
