I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
