You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
