we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize