my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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