Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
