TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I look better un-naked...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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