uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He kissed a someone with a penis
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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