The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
