But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
