So drunk, too bad you don't want this
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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