Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
