btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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