If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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