Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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