I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
