You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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