I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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