You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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