getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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