when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize