Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
COCAINE IS GR8
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize