What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
even my farts smell like vagina
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
