y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
