Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
