OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
