My underwear smells like fireworks.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
