I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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