i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
