to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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