Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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