Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize