I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
