lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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