pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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