No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
