i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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