So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
