im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
