Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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