so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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