If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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