Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
