Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
