I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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