Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I just put wine in my tea
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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