This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
