Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize