it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
