Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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