Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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