PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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