Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
