so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Houston, we have a squirter
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize