i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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