Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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