Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
