were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
