Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
