I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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