my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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