girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
