Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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