4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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