I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
