Umm I'm too high to move.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
