she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
