My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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