Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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