That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
