I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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