I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
