I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
